Breakfast Special: The Increasingly Implausible Dallas Mavericks

The Dallas Mavericks are 17-18 after beating the Oklahoma City Thunder 105-103 in Dallas Sunday. The win brought the Mavs to 15-3 at home. They are 2-15 on the road. The team is absurd and nothing makes sense in this world and also you have to wonder just what the hell happened to Russell Westbrook, who shot 4-of-22 from the field and 0-of-8 from three and put up one of the ugliest performances in a professional basketball game in recent memory. Even Paul George‘s explosion for 36 points on 12-of-24 (and 3-of-11 from three…whoops) couldn’t save the Thunder. Dallas played …

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Breakfast Special: Too Many F—ing Lakers Fans

I love De’Aaron Fox and wish he were on the Pacers. Or, if I can’t have that, let’s see the Namesake traded to the Clippers or HERO OF SERBIA Boban Marjanovic traded to the Kings so my favorite non-Pacers can be on the same team. Fox went for just 15 points on 6-of-20 shooting against the criminally underrated defensive ability of Lonzo Ball (which is more than Ball could say for himself when Fox ate his lunch in college, but y’all in the NBA now, son) but dished 12 assists and grabbed nine rebounds like “who’s the triple-double machine now?” …

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Breakfast Special: A Night of Festivus Miracles

Stephen Curry, Luka Doncic, even Andrew Wiggins…if you stayed up late enough on the East Coast to watch the late games in the NBA on Festivus, you got treated to Feats of Strength and, if you follow fans of the losing teams (or Doncic’s own team) on Twitter, you got Airing of Grievances big-time. There were 11 games in the Association as everyone gets Christmas Eve off before the annual Hoopsmas extravaganza on Tuesday, and like Santa in his sleigh, here come the presents of highlights from all 11: Steph Gonna MVP Warriors, with Curry: 18-5 (64-18 full-season pace) Warriors, …

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Breakfast Special: Western Conference Ascendant

Three times in the NBA Monday night, a Western Conference team faced off against an Eastern Conference team. Three times, the Western Conference team won—and none of the games were remotely close, as even the lowly Suns won by 18. But we’ll get there one at a time. It’s just worth pointing out—again—just how much of a Dumpster fire the East truly is. But let’s start in a bit of an unlikely spot, as the weirdest trend in the NBA this season continues nearly halfway through the regular season’s slate of games: Minnesota, Because Of Course They Did The Timberwolves …

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Breakfast Special: Garbage Day

When the closest game in the NBA on any given night is 22 points, you know you weren’t exactly treated to the best competition the game has to offer. But what did you expect when two games involved a playoff team against a tank crew and the third involved one of the most feast-or-famine teams in the league? Boston beat the Knicks 128-100 in a snoozefest opener, Utah beat Houston 118-91 in the nightcap, and over on League Pass Portland pantsed the Suns 108-86 in a game that was over in the first quarter—Portland led 34-9 after one and cruised …

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Breakfast Special: A POR-NY Night At MSG

You get the feeling that with the Trail Blazers in town to play the Knicks, some cheeky fool in the promotions department could’ve come up with Adult Film Appreciation Night, because it was a POR-NY game! OK, OK, enough tomfoolery. Basketball may be better than sex, but not when it’s the Blazers playing the Knicks. Portland continued their first-place run in the Western Conference (!) with a 118-114 win at MSG, riding 31 points from CJ McCollum and 29 from Damian Lillard to the win in a game where two quarters were tied (the teams played level at 25 in …

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Breakfast Special: Heavy is the Burden on LeBron

The story of LeBron James‘ career has, with a couple of rare exceptions in Miami where Dwyane Wade was a bona fide Hall of Fame sidekick, been a case of carrying utterly wretched teams further than they have any right to go. Indeed, most of the case for James as the NBA’s greatest of all time hinges on the narrative of “he won a championship with a G-League team in 2016.” (and if you want me to say something nice about Kyrie Irving, you must be new here.) And here he is in Los Angeles, dragging the freaking South Bay …

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Breakfast Special: Melo, Thunder Beat Rockets

Carmelo Anthony had a great game for the Oklahoma City Thunder Thursday night. His 1-of-11, two-point, minus-22 performance was the next best thing to the Thunder planting a mole on the Houston Rockets to throw the game so he could give his real team the big win. Accordingly, the Thunder, who don’t have Russell Westbrook until he recovers from his ankle sprain, won 98-80 in an ugly game on national television. Houston shot just ten free throws, making seven of them, and even though they made 50 percent of their two point shots (20-of-40), they were a wretched 26.2 percent …

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Breakfast Special: Don’t Blame Me, I Voted For McCollum

Oh, thank the gods the midterm election season is over. That’s one less distraction on Twitter when I have a deadline on this column. (Initiative 1631 went down in Washington. 1634 passed. And Dino Rossi is a slime mold masquerading as a human being. That’s all the politics you’re ever getting from me in this space. Move the Orlando Magic to Seattle. Now then. On with the show.) CJ McCollum had 40 points on 17-of-26 shooting and 5-of-10 from deep, Evan Turner (!) had 16 points and 11 rebounds off the bench, and the Bucks got absolutely nothing out of …

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Breakfast Special: Bucks Fall in Eastern Conference Finals Preview

The NBA raised so many questions Thursday night. Between the Celtics handing the Bucks their first loss of the season in the cause of going to 6-2, the Trail Blazers leaving a lot of people wondering if they’re a dark horse in the West after their nationally-televised win over New Orleans, and Sacramento doing what good teams do and thumping a bad team on the road, the NBA sure seems bent on raising more questions than it answers these days. But we begin with… The Lamb of Greekazoid Back during the old days, when titans like Michael Jordan and Kobe …

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