Breakfast Special: White Men Don’t Have to Jump

When Boban Marjanovic got a bigger role in Los Angeles with the Clippers, we celebrated the move here at Breakfast Special HQ. When one of his dunks rocks NBA Twitter to its chirping core? Well, that leads the Special. Behold, HERO! OF! SERBIA! BOBAN throws down the FIERCE slam! 🔨#ClipperNation #KiaTipOff18 pic.twitter.com/NnQsDVci4t — NBA (@NBA) October 18, 2018 White men can’t jump? White men don’t have to jump! Did we mention Boban had 18 points and 8 rebounds in just 18 minutes of play? Boban Marjanovic puts up 18 PTS, 8 REB for the @LAClippers at home. #ClipperNation #KiaTipOff18 pic.twitter.com/ozGx9M8PlP …

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Breakfast Special: Risin’ Up to the Challenge of a Rival

Look, for all those of you who think the Sixers are a serious challenger for the Eastern Conference title this season, what part of “Celtics in 5 if they meet in the playoffs” don’t you understand? Joel Embiid on the "rivalry" between the Celtics and Sixers: "This is not a rivalry. I don't know our record against them, but it's pretty bad. They always kick our ass." — Sean Deveney (@SeanDeveney) October 17, 2018 Boston just played 48 good minutes of basketball…well, OK, they played 48 minutes of ugly-as-hell basketball and finally flipped the switch in the fourth quarter such …

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2018-19 NBA Season Predictions You’ll Laugh at Me for in April

The NBA is back tonight, with the Celtics and 76ers tipping off the season on TNT, followed by the Warriors against the sadly-lacking-Russell Westbrook Thunder in the nightcap. But before we get to that, let’s get through the formalities of forecasting the season, the playoffs, the major awards, and everything else that’s gonna be wildly inaccurate and possibly also contradict the Busted/Plausible/Confirmed team previews I’ve already done on here because those were written with great care and effort and this is being written with the firm knowledge that nobody will read it and I’d be just as wrong if I …

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Are the 2018-19 Golden State Warriors Good?

Yes. Next question. The question here is not really “are the Warriors good” but “will the Warriors dog most of the season, come in under the projected win total while going 7-10 in their last 17 games, turn it on in the playoffs again, and win the title, or will they try to go 82-0, come close, and then blow a 3-1 lead in the Finals?” They signed DeMarcus Cousins. They still have Stephen Curry, Klay Thompson, Draymond Green, and Kevin Durant. In 2K19 with fatigue and substitutions and injuries turned off, they go 82-0 every time. Their bench is …

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Are the 2018-19 Los Angeles Clippers Good?

In 2018, the NBA experienced a quantum shift as a player consistently among the league leaders in Win Shares Per 48 Minutes, a fan favorite, but a guy who some folks consider overrated, traveled to Tinseltown to set the Staples Center ablaze with excitement. That’s right, folks…Boban Marjanovic, HERO! OF! SERBIA!, is on the Los Angeles Clippers. Which sets their floor for this season preview at Plausible by default. OK, fine, so they’ve got your columnist’s favorite player (yes, really) on their team. They’ve also got Tobias Harris, and they ended up shipping Blake Griffin out of town at a …

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Are the 2018-19 Los Angeles Lakers Good?

The Lakers went 35-47 last season with the worst point guard since Smush Parker as the primary ballhandler; Lonzo Ball earned the derisive nickname of “Dollar Store Russell Westbrook” from this here esteemed publication for his counting-stat-chasing YMCA chucking and selfish assists. This year, it looks like they got a professional basketball player to play point guard, as the early returns from the preseason have cast LeBron James in the role Kevin Garnett used to play in Boston for Rajon Rondo: LeBron picking up Rondo’s signature way to start games is amazing. pic.twitter.com/OmJ40qWa31 — Hoop Central (@TheHoopCentral) October 11, 2018 …

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Are the 2018-19 Sacramento Kings Good?

That the Sacramento Kings did not finish last in the Pacific Division in 2017-18 is a startling testament to just how bad the Phoenix Suns were. It is not, in any conceivable way, an endorsement of the quality of the Kings as a team. De’Aaron Fox had an atrocious rookie season. The Kings front office could not be trusted to organize a bake sale, never mind the day-to-day operations of an NBA team, and what is it with the implication that bake sales are always managed by incompetent people? Where’s the love for the stay-at-home moms taking an active role …

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Are the 2018-19 Phoenix Suns Good?

The Phoenix Suns finally hit rock bottom just in time for the DeAndre Ayton Sweepstakes in 2017-18. They should, if the NBA’s insistence—as in other sports—that parity is powered by the draft is true, be a much better team before too long. But “before too long” and “one year after going 21-61” aren’t quite the same thing. Is there anything on this roster than can actually contribute right away to getting off the floor? Or are we about to settle in for a Philadelphia Process in the Pacific Division? 2017-18 record: 21-61 2018-19 over/under: 28.5 Ayton All The Donuts Ayton …

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Are the 2018-19 Portland Trail Blazers Good?

The difference between third and ninth in the Western Conference in 2017-18 was three games, and it was the same difference between first and last in the Northwest Division. The Portland Trail Blazers beat the Utah Jazz on the last day of the season to wrap up the division title, and even though they summarily got smoked by the New Orleans Pelicans in the first round of the playoffs, the Blazers were a 49-win team and are getting their Big Three of Damian Lillard, C.J. McCollum, and Jusuf Nurkic back intact for another crack at NBA glory. The question remains, …

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Are the 2018-19 Oklahoma City Thunder Good?

What happens when a top-10 offensive and defensive team gets rid of one of the worst players in the league? The Thunder seek to answer that very question in 2019, as Carmelo Anthony is gone, off to Houston and taking his “talents” (and by talents I mean washed-up negative-VORP ass) with him. Melo had a -1.1 VORP, which translates to three wins taken off the board compared to slotting a G-League player into his roster spot. The Thunder won 48 games last year and Vegas has them down for 50.5 this year. Do the math, folks, this isn’t going to …

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