NBA Breakfast Special: De’Aaron Fox, I Am Disappoint

Oh, De’Aaron Fox. My namesake. My adopted NBA son. Where, oh where did you go wrong? I mean, I was all ready to buy your jersey. The name. My lucky number. It was going to be so very, very glorious.

But 2-of-10 against the Milwaukee Bucks in a 112-87 humiliation after that win over the Warriors just the other night? A horrifying .403/.308/.711 slash line that is more Ricky Rubio than Stephen Curry?

I mean, that’s still a mile and a half better than the dog crap .309/.245/.429 Lonzo Ball‘s putting up, and anything that makes the Lakers look stupid, I’m entirely in favor…

But seriously, De’Aaron. Eric Bledsoe couldn’t guard my dead grandmother. Worse than that, he couldn’t guard Lonzo. 2-of-10? C’mon, man.

Now then, on to the victorious Bucks, who went into the Golden 1 Arena and looked like the golden ones, especially Giannis Antetokounmpo, a guy for whom half the objective in getting an NBA site on the radar of Google or Basketball Reference is simply knowing how to correctly spell his name.

Greek Freak had 32 points on 11-of-16 thanks in part to a 9-of-13 night from the free throw line, and Bledsoe won his matchup easily with 21 on 7-of-10.

The efficiency went all the way down to a team that scored 112 points on only 71 field goal attempts; Milwaukee shot 42-of-71 (59.1 percent!) overall, and this would’ve been even uglier had they not yacked at the line to the tune of 19-of-31 (61.3 percent.)

Sacramento turned into a pumpkin when they had to play a team’s best players on a SEGABABA.

The Bucks had one offensive rebound. One. But then again, they didn’t really miss very many to have the chance, did they?

Highlights from the freak of the week and man of the match:

Denver McNuggets

Look, I love Kenneth Faried. I think the Manimal gets a raw deal and has ever since Nikola Jokic and Paul Millsap rendered him obsolete.

I think the silver lining for Faried will be the trade or the free agent deal he gets if he can prove himself anew in Millsap’s absence.

But his 11 points and eight rebounds were faint comfort in a Denver night in Utah where they got so utterly thrashed that there are no silver linings.

Utah destroyed Denver 106-77, and who would’ve guessed after Rudy Gobert got hurt that the Jazz would be hanging around the fringes of the playoffs while waiting for the Stifle Tower to return?

Sure, they’re 10-11 and the West is so weak that this could be the first time since the 36-46 Clippers got in back in 1997 that the West sends a sub-.500 team to the playoffs, but an accomplishment is an accomplishment.

And it’s not like Derrick Favors is a slouch at the 5, either. Favors had 24 points, nine rebounds, five assists, and a plus-30 (!) in the Jazz win.

Also, WHAT THE CRAP IS THIS?

Ahem.

Highlights, besides sweet dunks and bears stealing children:

Cavaliers Minus Garfield…I Mean LeBron James

Bron had never been ejected in 15 seasons in the league. Thanks to referee Kane Fitzgerald…

Have a nice life, Kane. I’m sure being an employed NBA referee is overrated.

Oh, and Kevin Love went freaking bonkers, scoring 22 in the first quarter of Cleveland’s 108-97 win over the Miami Heat, a game that wasn’t that close since most of the second half involved the reserves; the Cavs led 75-49 at the break.

Love played 25 minutes and ended up with 38 points. LeBron had 21, even though he and Love both went 10-of-16 from the field. Big Whitey just ended up 14-of-17 from the line (so what was LeBron complaining about to the refs?)

Hassan Whiteside had 11 points and 14 rebounds; the rest of the Heat did naff all. Dion Waiters led the Heat in scoring with 21, but he did it in the most Waiters way possible, shooting 8-of-19.

And since the game was essentially over in the first quarter, so were the highlights:

Ed in Columbus, your kids are awesome:

That said, Yukon Cornelius is a god among men.

One Ugly Minnesota Night

And speaking of abominable, how about the 92-89 snoozer in Minnesota that the Washington Wizards and the Timberwolves played?

The Wiz won this ugly game by being less complete crap than their opponent; even though Bradley Beal was 2-of-11 for eight points and Otto Porter needed to hoist up 18 shots (making eight) to lead his team with 22, that’s nothing compared to the Wolves’ shooting 41.2 percent and having exactly one player (Jamal Crawford, 4-of-8) hit even half his shots.

On the upside, there were only 17 turnovers (seven by the DC Family, ten by All Eyes North) and 31 free throws attempted (even if both teams were trash from the line; the Wizards were 10-of-17 and the Wolves 9-of-14.)

And, of course, there were plenty of rebounds available, so Karl-Anthony Towns hauled down 14 boards to go with his team-high 20 points, while Taj Gibson had 10 caroms fall into his hands.

Highlights…of a sort, for the man of the match in an ugly game right out of 1999:

And Finally…

The Phoenix Suns beat the Chicago Bulls 104-99. Phoenix is 8-14. Chicago is 3-16. Devin Booker had 33 on 10-of-23, T.J. Warren had 25 on 10-of-20, Tyler Ulis had 14 on 5-of-9, and the rest of the team did jack, scoring 32 points on 13-of-35.

Heck, take away Alex Len‘s 13-point, 18-rebound explosion off the bench on 6-of-10 and that “rest of the team” stat drops to 7-of-25.

Phoenix dominated the boards 57-41, shot 23 free throws to Chicago’s ten, and survived a nice 49-point combined outburst from Justin Holiday (25) and Kris Dunn (24) to send the Bulls deeper into the NBA’s basement.

Highlights because bad teams need love too:

Man, I just feel awful for Booker and Warren. They have to play on a G-League team with their scoring talent.

Want more NBA? Well, tomorrow we’ve got Is He Any Good, and I’m going to drag another Greatest Hits out of the vault either tonight or Friday (as I write this, it’s Tuesday night, and how much I sleep before working a contract gig up in Seattle will determine if I’m capable of being functional on Wednesday). In the meantime, there is always the Breakfast Special, reliable as a metronome.

So stay tuned, and thanks for reading!