The Dallas Mavericks are reportedly moving to acquire Kristaps Porzingis from the Knicks, on the presumed belief that if one transcendent Euro white dude is good, two must be even better.
And what’s more, let’s limit this to white people, since the commonly held refrain around the NBA is that it’s a “black league” and also so this doesn’t just turn into a World Team kind of situation—plus, it might just be more fun to imagine a Euro squad minus Giannis Antetokounmpo because having the Greek Freak makes this argument way too easy.
So you bring the cheese and I’ll bring the crackers, and we’ll ignore the salary cap just because it’s more fun that way. Presenting the starting lineup for YOUR DALLAS EUROMAVS!
PG: Ricky Rubio, Spain
Rubio is averaging 12.8 points, 3.4 rebounds, and 6.1 assists for the Jazz this season, but his shooting is atrocious as always this year; Rubio’s 38.7 percent is the 36th-worst mark in NBA history and third-worst (ahead of Rafer Alston and Brandon Jennings at “gold” and “silver”) since the NBA/ABA merger (minimum 4,000 attempts.)
He’s having the worst full season of his career so far, which does not get this roster off to the best start.
SG: Luka Doncic, Slovenia
Did you know Luka is hitting 55 percent of his corner threes this season? Doncic is shooting 35.2 percent overall, but when he’s able to sneak into the corner, he becomes an absolutely lethal scorer.
Doncic is also putting up some fantastic counting stats, to the tune of 20.4 points, 6.9 rebounds, and 5.4 assists per game.
SF: Bojan Bogdanovic, Croatia
The Croatian sensation in Indiana hasn’t quite kept up his torrid start from beyond the arc—at one point he was hitting over 50 percent of his threes—but he’s still hitting 43.4 percent out there as the best scorer the Pacers have in the absence of Victor Oladipo.
Bogey is averaging a career-high 16 points and four rebounds per game in Indiana.
PF: Kristaps Porzingis, Latvia
It’s funny how a guy who’s 7-foot-3 can slot in as a power forward, but that’s where he’s played four-fifths of his minutes in New York, as a guy who rather than being a Boban-like monster in the middle, is more the guy who puts the stretch in stretch 4.
And the big guy’s got range for a four-out offense in Dallas built around DeAndre Jordan; Porzingis is a career 36.1 percent three-point shooter and was at 39.5 before his ACL exploded last year.
People worry about his athleticism coming back, but if he keeps developing that shooting stroke, how he moves may not enter into it.
C: Nikola Jokic, Serbia
Of course the Joker would be the man in the middle; he’s one of the best players in the league, of any color, and from any hometown.
Jokic is averaging 20.1 points, 10.4 rebounds, and 7.7 assists for the Nuggets right now, and he is a constant threat on any given night to go off for a triple-double.
You can’t have an all-Euro team without Jokic.
Is that starting lineup not formidable enough for you? Well, this is a deep team, as the backups show us:
PG: Goran Dragic, Slovenia
Dragic is rehabbing from knee surgery, but the Heat’s venerable Euro point guard had his first trip to the All-Star Game in 2017-18, and while he may not have much left in his legs at age 32, Europe is surprisingly bereft of white point guards (Tony Parker is the best point guard possibly ever to come from across the Atlantic but he doesn’t make the color line for this exercise in crackerosity.)
Dragic averaged 17.3 points and 4.8 assists per game for the Heat during that All-Star season last year.
SG: Bogdan Bogdanovic, Serbia
The Other Bogdanovic hasn’t exactly been lighting the world on fire in Sacramento this year, as he’s shooting 43.1 percent from the field and 35.3 percent from three while averaging 15.3 points per game as the Kings’ sixth or seventh man (it’s him or Marvin Bagley.)
He shot 39.2 percent from long range as a rookie last season, so it’s possible that Bogdanovic could evolve into a solid backup shooting guard for the EuroMavs.
SF: Marco Belinelli, Italy
Belinelli has been one of those Spurs rarities, a guy with the green light to launch the three when he finds himself with the ball.
And he’s been ace at it, hitting 39.7 percent of his shots from out there.
Rick Carlisle could use a sharpshooter like that to anchor his bench unit.
PF: Lauri Markkanen, Finland
One thing you notice about this EuroMavs team as the roster comes together is just how much of a build-for-the-future roster it is.
Europe is supplying a lot of talent to the NBA as the Euroleague keeps getting better and better with each passing year.
Markkanen is averaging 17.1 points and eight rebounds on 38.6 percent three-point shooting, rounding into form as a solid future piece in Chicago. He’s also one of those guys who’s always a threat to go for a 20/20 game when he gets a good nose for the boards.
C: Domantas Sabonis, Lithuania
Sabonis, one of the favorites for Sixth Man of the Year, has been lighting it up off the bench for the Pacers, scoring 14.6 points, hauling down 9.4 rebounds, and even dishing 2.8 assists per game in just 25 minutes.
The guy’s a Dyson vacuum on the glass. The EuroMavs would become a tough team to get second-chance points against with Sabonis patrolling the paint.
Other guys we considered for the list, who make up the 11th through 13th men:
Maxi Kleber (Germany) is already on the Mavs, so he gets onto this roster. Jakob Poeltl and Boban Marjanovic make up the 12th and 13th spots on the roster, since why should the Clippers have all the fun giving HERO OF SERBIA nightly DNP-CDs in the box score?
So how many games do you think this all-white roster wins? Hit me up on Twitter (@RealFoxD) and tell me how far you think this team goes, or even if they make the playoffs at all.