Breakfast Special: Antetokounmpo The Amazing And Acrobatic

Giannis Antetokounmpo is faster than a speeding Eurostep. More powerful than Darryl Dawkins attacking a rim. And able to leap tall basketball players in a single bound.

No, seriously, I am not making that last one up:

Vaya con Dios, Tim Hardaway Jr. You just got reduced to a poster.

Meanwhile, the Knicks lost Kristaps Porzingis, because everything Jimmy Dolan touches rusts away like a reverse King Midas touch:

For he hath dunked upon the Greek Freak, and the Basketball Gods shall smite him for his treason against the Breakfast Special MVP.

Oh, and Milwaukee won the actual basketball game by a count of 103-89, pulling just half a game behind Cleveland in the Central Division standings. Giannis led a Triple 20 effort for the Bucks, who got 23 from Eric Bledsoe and 20 from Khris Middleton.

New York, meanwhile, shot 5-of-23 from three, the exact same pathetic 21.7 percent count they put up against Atlanta two nights before.

What are the odds that a team would not just match its makes and attempts in consecutive games, but match a stat line that sucked?

Highlights of the winners:

Holy Bananas, The Cavs Suck

This would’ve led the show on any other night.

Cleveland went into Orlando, built a 21-point lead in a statement “we’re not quite dead yet, sir” game…

…then lost by 18. A 39-point swing. They were outscored 24-9 in the fourth quarter. Shot 42.9 percent overall but 30.8 percent in the second half.

And LeBron James? 25 points on 10-of-17, 10 rebounds, five assists, so don’t blame him, right?

Well, except for the whole six of Cleveland’s 14 turnovers thing. Whoops.

Meanwhile, Jonathon Simmons, the “hecho en San Antonio” product of the Poposphere, scored 34 on 12-of-17, grabbed seven boards, and only coughed it up three times. He was better than LeBron, folks.

And for that, he gets the man of the match in the 116-98 Magic win:

Holy Crap, Oklahoma City, What Was That You Did In Oakland? And Can You Do It Again?

The Thunder just marched into Golden State and beat the living crap out of Kevin Durant and the Warriors, 125-105.

Russell Westbrook had 21 points in the first quarter and didn’t even lead his team in scoring; his 34 was second to Paul George‘s 38.

Carmelo Anthony played just six minutes, making none of his four shots, an ankle injury the culprit.

Meanwhile, Draymond Green got himself ejected for throwing a ball at the official; the Warriors, when they lose their composure, melt down memorably.

Golden State turned the ball over 25 times. They made just eight three-pointers. They let Steven Adams drop a 16-and-10 on them on just 7-of-9 shooting.

In other words, the Thunder just straight-up kicked Golden State’s butts all over Oracle.

Highlights of an All-Star combo pack combining for 72 as you do:

Lightning Round!

The Wizards had a chance to seize third place in the East away from Cleveland, but they just ran out of gas on a SEGABABA in Philadelphia, losing 115-102 in a game that was all but over when it was 37-20 after one quarter.

Joel Embiid led all five Sixers starters in double figures with 27 points, adding 12 rebounds as well:

It has been the opinion of this publication that the Raptors, not the Celtics, are the frontrunners in the East, records be damned.

It’s all about point differential, and the Raps just plain waxed the C’s at Air Canada Centre Tuesday night, 111-91.

Kyle Lowry led all scorers with 23, while C.J. Miles added 20 off the bench on just 6-of-8 shooting, 5-of-7 from three, and 3-of-3 at the line:

Atlanta is 12-16 at home and just 5-21 on the road. They’re tied with Dallas for the league’s worst record at 17-37, but the Mavs have just a minus-2.1 point difference. Atlanta isn’t that good.

But against Memphis in their own building, they looked like heroes, winning 108-82 while shooting 50.6 percent from the field and holding the Grizz to a paltry 4-of-22 (18.2 percent) beyond the arc.

Memphis also turned it over 25 times, just because why should Golden State have all the fun playing like trash?

Dennis Schroder led the Hawks with 22:

James Harden went for 36 as the Rockets handled the Nets in Brooklyn 123-113; Chris Paul added 25 as Houston pulled within just one game of the Warriors out West. The tweet is Turkish, the basketball all-American. Harden got to 15,000 career points in this one:

And finally, the Lakers swatted a Phoenix team that was without Devin Booker; without their star point guard, the Suns look like lost souls wandering the desert trying to find the Johnny Cash coyote.

Brandon Ingram had 26 and Julius Randle 21 for the boys from Tinseltown, who continue to be excellent by bad team standards, going 13-14 at home.

Phoenix shot just 38.3 percent as a team. It was ugly.

Highlights, as Randle gets the man of the match honors:

Coming tomorrow, it’s this week’s Is He Any Good, in which we decide once and for all whether Myles Turner is Hassan Whiteside 2.0 or the biggest disappointment in Indiana since Roy Hibbert. Stay tuned for that in its usual Thursday slot, and thanks for reading!